I am as old as a TREE

I am as old as a TREE

Sunday, July 11, 2010

mixed feelings

so as I sit here on this nice beautiful sunday after noon in July, I look back at this week and we have had some HOT HOT tempatures and well... Lucky for me I have AC in the house and it has stayed about 70. But I wanted to cook a turkey... so I also have the smell of a fresh baked turkey in the house that is just killing me because I want to cut into it so BADLY!!!



I have had my ups and downs all week and its been my normal Scott! But it was time for change... NO I am not moving, however I did move my room around.. I do not know why i got in that mood but I put my mind to it and did it... it's been 3 years since I moved thing around... so you can say the dust bunnies were a little large.



I started classes and I love history... there is something about it that I can just latch on to I love it. and I am studing my HISTORY.. Pacific Northwest.. the Land that I love and call home.



but I have this empty feeling... It has not been a good year for me and I have yet to learn all the lessons I am to learn from whatever the Lord is trying to teach me. Yeah I know teach me patiences.... I just dont want to be!!!



I made comment on Abby's blog about the story she is reading of a tree out in the middle of a field and getting hit by the storms of life... and I told her how she is the beautiful oak tree with all its many branches and falling from that is a bunch of nuts... LOL It is funny because I am feeling the same way... I am feeling like this storm is hitting me and the leaves are falling because I am not getting what I need to get...



am I making myself clear... I feel like the storm keeps knocking me out of wack and I cant get myself back on tract or to stand straight up anymore...



I dont know if it has to do with the fact that I am in school, I dont have any hours at work, if I dont have a life.... I feel alone on that hill.



Sorry ABBY I took your tree story...



I am just feeling well alone.... I dont know if it has anything to do with the fact that I am getting older and I have nothing to show for my life... OK If you ever watch little house on the praire and there is this one show that charles is working on a table and a friend says to him something on the lines of leaving a mark on this world, and then this friend dies in the rain in charles arm, and charles then starts thinking if he is leaving a mark on this world..... are you following me.



WHAT is the mark that I am leaving... I dont have children that will know who I am... I dont have a great love in my life that will know who I am... I was watching the Buddy Holley story yesterday and well Buddy Dies and then his wife miscarries there child and well... Buddy was a song writer and singer and left behind his name... but the idea for me is WHO the heck am I and will I ever be remembered....



OK this is the part where someone needs to slap me.. But am I just going to be placed in the ground and once a week someone is going to mow over me and never know who the heck I was!!!! Am I making any scence here....



see I now know why brother brigham said "anyone over 25 and single is a mentise to society" I am loving my single life...however it gets sad sometime not having anyone! I love the holidays but when your alone they are just not the same.. OH I know what you are saying in your mind..or even out loud (MOTHER)....but sometimes there just has to be something else....

OK I have this problem I start to write and then block..so i am on a block.....

3 comments:

Becca said...

Whenever I think about your situation Scott, I always think you have the world at your finger tips! There is nothing(!) holding you back. I'm so happy that you're going to school. I think you will make an amazing social worker. That is definitely a way to leave your mark in this world. :)

dad said...

We are all in the same situation, Scott, no matter who we are. Fortunately, whether we are remembered here or not doesn't really matter because God knows us and takes note of every little thing we do. You touch so many lives here and are loved by so many. God loves you and knows of your desires. Hang in there and don't quit seeking after that which is good. God will take care of you, if you don't quit striving for the good things.

Anonymous said...

Scott...read and re-read dad's comment...THAT is the answer!! Love, mom