mixed feelings

so as I sit here on this nice beautiful sunday after noon in July, I look back at this week and we have had some HOT HOT tempatures and well... Lucky for me I have AC in the house and it has stayed about 70. But I wanted to cook a turkey... so I also have the smell of a fresh baked turkey in the house that is just killing me because I want to cut into it so BADLY!!!



I have had my ups and downs all week and its been my normal Scott! But it was time for change... NO I am not moving, however I did move my room around.. I do not know why i got in that mood but I put my mind to it and did it... it's been 3 years since I moved thing around... so you can say the dust bunnies were a little large.



I started classes and I love history... there is something about it that I can just latch on to I love it. and I am studing my HISTORY.. Pacific Northwest.. the Land that I love and call home.



but I have this empty feeling... It has not been a good year for me and I have yet to learn all the lessons I am to learn from whatever the Lord is trying to teach me. Yeah I know teach me patiences.... I just dont want to be!!!



I made comment on Abby's blog about the story she is reading of a tree out in the middle of a field and getting hit by the storms of life... and I told her how she is the beautiful oak tree with all its many branches and falling from that is a bunch of nuts... LOL It is funny because I am feeling the same way... I am feeling like this storm is hitting me and the leaves are falling because I am not getting what I need to get...



am I making myself clear... I feel like the storm keeps knocking me out of wack and I cant get myself back on tract or to stand straight up anymore...



I dont know if it has to do with the fact that I am in school, I dont have any hours at work, if I dont have a life.... I feel alone on that hill.



Sorry ABBY I took your tree story...



I am just feeling well alone.... I dont know if it has anything to do with the fact that I am getting older and I have nothing to show for my life... OK If you ever watch little house on the praire and there is this one show that charles is working on a table and a friend says to him something on the lines of leaving a mark on this world, and then this friend dies in the rain in charles arm, and charles then starts thinking if he is leaving a mark on this world..... are you following me.



WHAT is the mark that I am leaving... I dont have children that will know who I am... I dont have a great love in my life that will know who I am... I was watching the Buddy Holley story yesterday and well Buddy Dies and then his wife miscarries there child and well... Buddy was a song writer and singer and left behind his name... but the idea for me is WHO the heck am I and will I ever be remembered....



OK this is the part where someone needs to slap me.. But am I just going to be placed in the ground and once a week someone is going to mow over me and never know who the heck I was!!!! Am I making any scence here....



see I now know why brother brigham said "anyone over 25 and single is a mentise to society" I am loving my single life...however it gets sad sometime not having anyone! I love the holidays but when your alone they are just not the same.. OH I know what you are saying in your mind..or even out loud (MOTHER)....but sometimes there just has to be something else....

OK I have this problem I start to write and then block..so i am on a block.....