ahhhh haaaaaa

I think that is the right way to write it... I messed up big time tonight.. I am not a writer... I cant really write... and I have been saying this the whole semester and to night I was talking to my professor and I said I cant always think it but I can write it.. she jump over the table with excitement.

ahhh Haaa yes I just can not believe I said it. believe me... I have to admit I think I can if I put my mind to it.

I have been feeling a little crazy the past few days. a little stressed... I have been having some massive headaches and I am not sure why.. but I working on that..

cant think anymore tonight... my eyes are playing the sleep game so I must go!

Funk and breakdown 103/104

YES I am still in the funk and I think it might have a lot to do with the stress in my life right now.. I had a breakdown this morning and it wasn't a pleasant sight. I just have to find out what and where and why and who and all those questions you need to ask yourself. WHY ME.. and then I have to turn that around and say WHY NOT ME!

103.5 happened before class tonight and I had to just leave and splash cold water in my eyes.. the worst part about that is the darn auto sinks that turn on when you walk up to them its warm water.. LOL come on I think I still like to control my own water... and then break down 104 happened after class... I am such a mornon sometimes.. I just broke a little and that did not help me any..

i did talk a few things out.... which I am trying to still do.. that is why this blog is coming up. i see it a little clearer now but I am still needing to work on some of these issues. YES Scott has issues.

funny how I just loose myself in some things and others I just cant deal with.


And then to think I lost my mind I had made 6 pies yesterday. 3 pumpkin and 3 chocolate french silk.
I put the chocolate ones in the frig out in the shead and we ate one of the pumpkin ones and I took one of the pumpkin ones down to the neighbors. (Hey I need the garden rotilled next spring have to keep them on the good side).

Well I went out to the shead to get the pie this afternoon to finish them off with cream.. and there was only two of them out there.. my first thought was those missionaries... to find out it ended up that Ted and Sheby took one which I told them they could. I just flaked it. Tonight they were recieved well at class... who would not like my pie... oh wait.. someone that cant taste a paper bag from last years chili cookoff.. LOL...

Dan made comment that Susan was mad at him because he did not bring her some home so I made sure she had some... so I got a very nice thank you from DAN...

WHY do I do what I do......?????

It's the Life of Scott... so glad your on this ride with me.!!!!

I am in a funk!

Snap out of it she say, or I will come and slap you, never mind SLAP, SLAP, SLAP.... What can I say I am in a funk... Don't ask because I really dont know why.

I am so..... well yes you got the words I been wanting to hear. LOL
I know Scott you crack me up.

SO I have a few people that everytime they see a new single adult its.... SCOTT she could be the one. I love it. LOVE IT! This new one is a cutie I must add.. so we will see if we can get her to come over for dinner and see what my life is like.

I have been working on paper after paper after paper so that is my new life... Maybe that is the funk that I am in...

I just dont know... tell you the truth.. I dont like the funk that I am in... I just want to sit back and cry.. just have a good old cry. Silly as it may be that's what I want to do.

I am always on the edge of it I just have not done it... I dont think I could handle that right now.

and to make life a little bit more pleasent... I have been working with the union and the union has no contract right now and it's not looking good... looking like a strike... WHO can afford a strike.. this is what I want to know. I keep looking at school and seeing I need to better myself and get out of this work force...

anyway... thats me today.. I believe it could be a little stress and its all coming to a head.....

so for now....

funny what you can feel and say

so wednesday night at class i was faced with the question... what are you feeling? yeah I wrote what I was feeling and it came out and well thanks for all the concerns. LOVE the fact that I have family that loves and cares for me and always makes me laugh! I love you guys!

October was here and left really fast.
I was all over the place this last week.. I think it was the fact that I worked in my old shop for the week and found out I really did not want it back and said the spirit of the store is gone.. YEAH I am gone and I have moved on. I still have wonderful friends there but I do not belong there anymore.

It was fun to see all the old customers that I loved come around the corner and look in and see me in the floral department and their eyes got big and tears started! It was awesome. I loved that part of it. But i know I am to be in school and this is the plan right now.

Sunday was so much fun... I spent most of the day cooking... what else is there for me to do on a Sunday. We did a halloween themed meal. everything had to deal with Halloween and I was not talking candy. We had such a fun turn out. From ghost dogs to bloody hand punch. it was cool. you can be so creative when you put your mind to it. I love the fact that people can think outside the box. simple things such as pumpkin cut out flour tortilas with spices on them YUMMY... and I have to laugh that SQUASH is becoming my families favorite thing. LOL they love it. this week we did a squash called the "Sweet Mama" I baked it in the oven with nutmeg and butter that was it and it was eatten up so fast love the fact that something we hated as a kid is now the number one food when we get older.... not to mention how good it is for you.

I love my families that come over.. I see something mom and dad have... its the fact that our family gets together and can have such a wonderful evening. I have some wonderful families. I am so glad they can turn to me when they need to or me to them. they bless my life with out words.

Anyway I am loosing my train of thoughts so I will go for now.....

I am doing better... I am good

thanks for all the concerns...

Big baby that I am...

I am having some major issues... bear with me for a minute as I am getting humbled. Tears are running down my face and i have to breath those deep breaths that coem along with the tears and the ability to try to stay away from taking my pill to go to be and just what am I feeling.........

I am feeling sadness, I am feeling MAD..I am feeling like a Jurk.. I am angary... oh what that the word.... powerless... crankie, light headed. confused.

i can not put all the piece of this puzzel to gether right now because I have so many feelings going on. I just want to cry,. reall just let me cry and blow the steam off ... why I CANT tell you why...

hold your head up hi...... hahhhhhhhhh,,,,

do i really need to say anything more... I just want to yell.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
that might be it.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

what am I learning

well if I was to write what I was learning, well I would say that writing is not my strong point. I have hated it and I dont enjoy writing.. maybe it is because I dont enjoy it and I cant write fast enough when I am thinking of something to write.

I dont know big fancy words. I am more peanut butter and jelly when it comes to writing. Other people think I should be writing like a Croque Monsieur..
But when you tear it all apart it just a sandwich. really thats all it is. LOL I had to look up different types of sandwiches to come up with a good one. and when you tear it down... all a Croque Monsieur is a french ham and cheese sandwich that is dipped in eggs and fried. more or less the american version is called a monte cristo.

with that being said. I can only write like peanut butter and jelly. I try to make my point and its simple as that. if I was to discribe how to make it, I believe this was a teaching moment one time and I am not sure who taught me this but it was simple enough that everyone missed some details.

how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
step 1, pull out two pieces of bread
step 2, pull out the peanut butter and jelly
step 3, pull out a knife
step 4, spread the peanut butter on one slice of the bread
step 5, spread the jelly on the other side of one silce of bread
step 6, put them together with the jelly and peanut butter touching
step 7, eat.

now that i quickly typed that out I forgot some major points that should have been made.
untieing the quick tie on the bread, opening the jars of peanut butter and the jelly, cleaning up.
there are many different thing that need to take place before and after making that peanut butter and jelly sandwich. steps that sometime are so simple that we forget to write about it.

DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS

so this last sunday I had to teach again. I have learned a few things in this english 265 class and communication 150 and well.. in my english class we learned to listen the other night, we all sat in a circle and had a spoon or stick, and we passed this spoon around and as we did we had to say what we had learned and listened to and well we spoke only when the stick was in our hand. so I had an idea right there about how I was going to teach my class sunday.

MOTHER thanks for listening for the fast 3 minutes as i was telling you what i did.

So I do not teach like anyone else. I am always trying to teach outside the box... another reason why i enjoy teaching even if i complain about it. this was the best teaching lesson I think I had so far. According to Dan. Elder's Quorum President he said "this by far was the best lesson you have taught"

so I hate teaching in a hot room and with rows so the last few times for me to teach I have taken them to the Cultural Hall and have sat up chairs. this time I sat up a table in the middle with tabel cloth and flowers and then I sat the chairs up around in a large circle and around the table to which I could walk around and then I also found myself walking around the outside of the circle as well.
I started out with an object lesson, on a piece of paper draw a word "Gospel Center" DRAW the word.. was the object. and then I asked them to draw the word baptism. we had a lot of the same missionary drawings. the wave with the arrow and the upright arrow and if you were a missionary you know what I am talking about.
then of course I had food... I always have food. so that was fun as well but the best part of the lesson was to have them pass the spoon and say something fast about there baptism... Well it wasnt a spoon it was a bag of chocolate!

IT was awesome..
a few things I do remember is that I had to take off my shoe because I was making to much noise as I was walking around.
I do remember some of the comments. I just know it was so easy and the best lesson I feel I have taught so far!!!!!